“Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who just bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive that you'd follow them straight into hell, just to keep getting your fix.” ~Karen Marie Moning, Shadowfever
We’ve all been in toxic relationships. We’ve been hurt, pained, abused…and even unwillingly served as the sacrificial lamb. Each assault endured takes time to recuperate from, but the after-effect leaves residual, minute holes in the heart. Many times, as our emotions glaze over and tell our mind we have convalesced for the needed time, the next assault reminds us how damaged we are to the core. When people hurt us, they leave a permanent scar - slowly taking pieces of our goodness with them. Leaving, yet, another small gap in our heart.
As the year old adage says….Hurt people, hurt people.
Toxic relationships include the platonic ones, the romantic ones, and even familial. The slippery slope of toxic relationships continues and plagues yet another generation. Then, one becomes lost in a slump of bad-habits and emotional damage, distancing oneself further from the heart’s core…resulting in an unauthentic self.
Q: Can that damage be undone?
A: No
Q: Then why am I reading this?
Our experiences (pain included) make us who we are, but we can’t let it rule who we are. Here comes the best part. Therefore, learn how to embrace your remarkable self, amidst the superfluous B.S. endured. It’s a lot easier said than done, but I hope these five tips add structure to your mental state.
Making space in your outer world has the effect of creating space in your inner world
It ain’t nothing to cut that *snip snip*…. Setting aside my inner channeling of K Camp. He was definitely correct with that verse (at the least). Don’t be afraid to clean up and cut ties. Think of your outer world as your living space that is plagued with disorderly chaos: Dirty dishes in the sink, closet full of clothes you outgrew and don’t wear, papers strewn about, dog walking around stinking to high heaven, needing a bath. You get the picture. Clean it out and you will see that your mind takes on a calming response. Broaden your space out - past your living quarters. Get rid of the “friend” that brings out the worst in you, learn to say ‘no’. Clear it out! Your mental state will be so much more peaceful. Calamity always brings chaos.
CRY
Whatever you feel, allow it to overcome you. Allow the tears to flow! To shed tears is to relinquish the inner pain. Holding it in is poisonous…let it flow out naturally.
Get you some sista-friends
This is self-explanatory, but surround yourself with like-minded individuals who want you to see you succeed and sing your praises.
Learn to forgive and love (yourself included)
It’s easy to love yourself in your own design, but to love yourself despite your errors and flaws is divine. Be conscious about your B.S. You can do that. The more you trust and believe in your divinity, the less people’s actions will hurt and the less you will put up with people’s inconsistent, neglectful ways. There’s a quote by Rachel Bagdy that always makes my humility take several seats, and my inner #BlackGirlMagic stand up for an applause. That quote is, “Forgive all self-denigration you embrace to survive…Free yourself of resentments’ weapons and of regrets’ breath-snatching shame”. Do you feel the magic stirring inside you? Embrace it!
Value yourself
When you sincerely value yourself, you don’t allow the weight of the world to press you down. You realize your tipping points and act accordingly. That could mean it’s time to call a sister-friend, pray, or even treat yourself to some ice cream.
God is not a cosigner to your abuse. You are! Therefore, believe that you are meant to succeed at all you put your mind to! That includes relationships, career, and life overall! You are meant to thrive and flourish and be your remarkable self! Don’t allow others to distract you from that! This is the one sacrifice you don’t have to be.
Gabrielle Burgess-Smith is a PR maven, CEO of PRGirlGabby, a wordsmith, and wannabe minimalist. Adding a splash of pink, one blog at a time…You can follow her on IG, Twitter, and FB @PRGirlGabby.